How are you doing? It’s a lot, isn’t it. It feels almost impossible to find the balance between being informed and being overwhelmed. Sometimes, it feels like the end of the world and other times, you find yourself outside in the fresh air looking up at the sky or giggling at something one of your kids said and it feels like everything is going to be okay.
That was my goal in writing this, what could I say, how could I provide some words of comfort during these few minutes that you gave yourself to stop, breathe and read my blog. I wanted to share the importance of coming together, of supporting each other but I was at a loss.
Until I happened to listen to a short video from Trevor Noah, one of my comedy gurus, who summarized it beautifully:
“Be considerate, take what you need and let’s act like we live in a community”
It really is just that simple isn’t it. It’s what we’ve done before in times of crisis. It’s about expanding our definition of community beyond our family, our friends and our neighbors, beyond our own city or state. When we do that, we take the focus off what happened and gives us the control. We get to choose how respond. And responding from a foundation of community changes what we do and how we do it. Here are just a few of the ways:
1. Taking care
If we are taking care of each other, as well as ourselves, it means that we are taking care not to get sick so that it’s not spread to those most at risk in our community, those who are elderly or in otherwise compromised health. It means we limit how much we go out, work from home and practice social distancing so we flatten the curve. No, it’s not fun and that doesn’t mean we have to like it. But understanding that it’s for the good of the community helps us feel more positive and helpful about it. This may get much worse before it gets better, as bars and restaurants close and social gatherings are completely shut down rather than limited. How we approach it makes a difference. During two recent meetings with students, both shared ways they were going to be using their time in a creative way. It also reminded me that we will come out of this, that there will be a time when we look back and think about what we did and how we responded. It made me feel hopeful.
2. Practicing kindness
When we’re part of a community, we are aware of ourselves as well as how we treat those around us. And I admit, I wasn’t feeling it Sunday. On Friday, I could still walk into the store and get what I needed, but only two days later, after going to 3 stores, I struggled to get groceries for even a few days. The shelves were literally empty. As I was scanning the meat counter, I saw two teenage boys on the phone standing by the last whole chicken, when one of them asked “could you help me”? “Of course,”, I said. “Do you think this chicken looks ok?” they asked. I checked the sell by date and assured them that it was, indeed, okay to purchase and that they had at least a week before they had to cook or freeze it. As I walked away, I heard one of them say into the phone “no, it’s okay mom, I asked some nice lady who was walking by, I’m coming home”. His kind words were all I needed to remind me that we’re all in this together, to remind me to smile and greet people and provide a comforting look or word, to be that “nice lady” as I continued throughout my errands, and throughout this challenging time.
3. Practicing compassion
Compassion literally means “to suffer together” and the definition is “relieving the suffering of others”. That’s important in a community. If we are focused on relieving others suffering, it reminds us to buy only the groceries we need, to (virtually) check in on each other, stay connected and see how we can help. And we don’t panic. In the wise words of Trevor Noah, if we all panic, then nobody has anything and if nobody has anything, then we all panic. Compassion breaks that cycle.
It’s not going to be easy. What is happening is unprecedented, it’s intrusive, it is big and probably going to get bigger in terms of the impact it is having and will have on our lives. But here’s the thing. We will all get through it. Just as we have other major, life-altering events. And looking back, the way we’ve done it is with care, kindness and compassion. As a united community.