The “three little words” that are most important in college planning

“Is taking another year of language/math/science a good idea?” “Should we focus on the SAT or ACT”? “Which activities are best to do this summer”?

Whether it’s a simple “yes or no” question, or one that is more involved, to get the best answer, the 3 most important words to add on the end of each of the above sentences is…”for MY teen”. 

It’s no different than if they had an upset stomach and you googled “what are the top 3 best foods to ease nausea”.   Let’s say the answers are bananas, ginger and papaya (which they are, I googled it!) and they were allergic to all three. Those may be the best, but not the best for YOUR teen. 

It’s no different when it comes to college planning and preparation.  Those 3 little words help you take the facts and data and utilize them to help your teen maximize their strengths and continue to discover who they are. 

Let’s take the SAT vs. the ACT.  You can do all the research, look up concordance tables, compare test formats and find out that statistically, your teen is better suited for the ACT.  Does that mean that’s what they should focus on? Maybe. Until we add in those 3 little words and we learn that:

• They are applying to colleges that superscore the SAT, not the ACT
• They actually feel more motivated to study for the SAT and feel they can improve their score by doing so
• All of their friends are taking the SAT on the same day and they want to take it with them

The combination of knowing the specific requirements for their colleges, their feeling of confidence in their ability to prep for the SAT and the feeling of relaxation they get from knowing they will be with their friends sets them up for maximum success. 

The same goes for choosing activities.  If your student is interested in a specific major such as pre-med, nursing, performing arts or engineering there should be strong indication of their interest in their choice of activities.  But adding in “for my teen” helps to customize what those choices are based on what they’re interested in learning more about or what they already know they enjoy doing.  (And increases the likelihood they’ll want to participate without prodding). And that’s even more important if they haven’t yet chosen an area of focus. 

There’s something magical that happens when their choice of activity sparks a new interest that blossoms into something that they thoroughly enjoy and want to learn more about. Not only does that come across loud and clear on their application, it also could be the beginning of a new pathway for their future. 

It Doesn't Have To Be Like This

WHEW!   Students and families all over are exhibiting a collective sigh of relief as the last of the colleges send out their admission decisions.  Whether the overall feeling is joy or sadness, at least there is closure to this very long and surprising season. 

This year was a particularly rough one for a variety of reasons.  A record number of applications were received with more students than ever applying early action and early decision.  This article is from the Daily Northwestern but many colleges were also able to fill anywhere from one-third to one-half of their incoming freshman class from the early pool, leaving more students deferred or wait-listed than in years past.  

In California, the Cal State colleges turned away 32,000 students because campuses were too full to accommodate them and trustees are under pressure to fix this.  And feedback I’ve received on my Facebook page say that states like Florida are experiencing similar challenges. 

The results this year from the UC’s are so unexpected that many counselors moving forward are reluctant to categorize any of them outside of a “reach” school for their students. 

There are no easy answers or quick fixes to these or any of the other numerous factors that make the admission process increasingly more challenging.  Many of these factors are due to the sheer increase in the number of students who are applying to college, but there are a few things we can do to take back some of the control.

Here are a few ideas:

#1 – Just say NO to random applying to the UC’s.  

I’m all for making the process easier.  There is no need to do a separate application for every single college when much of the data is redundant. But not SO easy that students can easily double the number of colleges they apply to. The Common App streamlines that process while also including a separate section for each individual college, which often requires unique questions or supplements. Not so with the UC application or the Cal State application. Almost all of the information, including the essays, are all the same which makes it far to easy to randomly apply to all of the colleges without researching much about the college or the fit, hoping to get into one or two and then deciding where they want to go. Multiply that by hundreds of students and it easily increases the number of applications received by, well, a LOT!

Even so, I can almost forgive that practice over the students who apply with absolutely no intention or desire to even attend a UC.   The stories I’ve heard from students about friends who didn’t even want to go to a UC or stay in California but applied “at the last minute, just because…” or “because my friend/relative/neighbor thought I should" makes me cringe.  Especially when I hear about students who were waitlisted at UC Santa Cruz or denied at UC Santa Barbara who had that as their dream schools. It’s hard not to think about how those decisions might have been an “admit” with less “random” applications submitted.

#2 – Embrace the area between the east and west coast.  

The plethora of applications this year was a good thing in that it helped families get creative and think outside the box.  For students who said they wanted to be in the Northeast (meaning NY or Boston) they ventured north and south to explore Delaware, Maine, Rhode Island, and New Jersey.  My California students expanded their definition of “near family” to include relatives and friends which opened up many options in different states.  Those that wanted to be "near skiing” found that it’s a lot less crowded to do so in Idaho, Utah or Montana than Colorado.  Want four seasons but don’t want to travel far?  Flagstaff has that plus it’s a cute college town. 

#3 – Explore different lists.  

Notice how the lists of “reach” colleges tend to correlate with the ones on U.S. News & World Report lists? Families tend to think that if they haven’t heard of the college it isn’t that good.  But the question is, good in what?  There are tons of colleges out there that excel in many areas and, based on your criteria, can provide an amazing college experience.  For example, if school spirit, traditions and athletics are your “thing”, you can find some great schools off of this list.  Or check out the recent NCAA Basketball tournament bracket. Plus, the ones in less "demand" are also the ones that may be able to offer more "financial incentives" (merit aid) for attending.  

#4 – Get paid for good grades

The “prestigious” and “name” colleges are not only difficult to get into, they also offer little if no merit money or scholarships.  If you’re into prestige, how about graduating in 4 years with little or no debt.  That's an achievement that's noteworthy! Taking your hard work and good grades and test scores to colleges that are in less demand can do that for you!  

#5  - Put together a purposeful, well-rounded list, based on what's important to you and why

Combine all of the above and put together a list of criteria based on what is important to you and why so that you can create a targeted and purposeful college list.  One that includes a wide range of acceptance profiles that are well researched AND that you are interested in attending.  It doesn’t mean that you can’t add to it as you go along, based on input from friends and family, but when you do receive input, you’ll have a foundation against which to evaluate the information.   

"The Road To Success Is Paved With Good Intentions (and avoiding physics)"

Sometimes the pathway to college feels like the menu at In-N-Out Burger.  There are only 3 choices of combos and if you don’t pick one of those, you can’t eat there. 

For those of you who aren’t fortunate enough to live in a state with In-N-Out, let me explain.  As you drive through or walk inside, you are greeted with 3 choices:  Hamburger, Cheeseburger and Double-Double.  You can get fries with that, and ONLY fries, and a choice of soft drink or one of their delicious shakes.  That’s it! 

When you look at the college admissions requirements, it can seem just as limited and restrictive:

You MUST take 4 years of language.  You MUST take as many AP’s as possible.  You MUST take the SAT or ACT.  Oh, and you can vary your activities (beverage) but a leadership role (fries) are really your only choice. 

One might wonder why anyone would eat at a place with such a limited menu.  WHY is it so popular?  Well, guess what?  It's NOT! There’s a “secret” menu with WAY more choices.  You just have to know about it and ask for it. 

Happily, for colleges, you don’t have to dig too deep to find alternatives to the “regular menu” and there are WAY more choices.  Beyond the U.S News & World Report lists are thousands of colleges with options that appeal to a wide variety of students! 

It is easier than one might imagine to actually order “off the menu”.  To find colleges with requirements that allow students to focus on the subjects and activities in high school that a student likes and excels at vs. taking classes over and over in subjects that focus on areas they are weak in or strongly dislike.  Want to take less language classes, check out the requirements at Colorado State.  Standardized testing not your thing?  Visit fairtest.org to find colleges that are test-optional. 

Plus, BOTH focusing on strengths AND avoiding areas of weakness can help the student discover a new pathway and opportunity they might not have otherwise found!

There’s the student who switched from calculus to business math in high school only to discover his love of accounting. 

Or the student who opted to apply to colleges that were test-optional, and focused that time to strengthen her art portfolio.  She not only deepened her love of art, she sold some of her work!

Focusing on areas of interest and strength can continue in college as well.

Take the student who entered college with an interest in psychology and a desire to want to help others.  This continued to strengthen until she hit a "weakness roadblock" 3rd quarter of her sophomore year, where she realized she had to take physics.  The thought of a quarter of physics was too much to bear, and the only major available with all the classes accumulated thus far was communications studies.  She course-corrected based on the goal of avoiding physics and graduating in 4 years which introduced an entirely new major and led to a 25 year career in broadcasting. 

One might call that decision immature and short-sighted.  That it was a short term choice (NO Physics)  vs. a long term sacrifice (suck it up and take the class and complete the psychology major). 

And I would tend to agree.  But if I had to do it all over again, I’d do the same. (insert wink and a smile!)

Each choice we make helps us evaluate our values, honor our skills and strengths and use that information to course correct along the way.  Communication studies helped me rekindle my love of radio and music from my childhood and integrate what I loved about psychology into my career.  Not a day went by that I didn’t “counsel” and “coach” my sales teams and I am using my love of coaching and counseling every day in my current career as a college coach! 

And physics?  Not so much. 

"The Waiting is the Hardest Part"

There’s a meme going around that says, “January is the Monday of months”.  That cracks me up because I’m not sure what that means, exactly.  Does it mean the month feels longer than other months?  Does it mean it’s the month that takes a while to get back into after the holidays?  And, do most people feel that way?

Like with everything in life, what it means depends on how we interpret it, based our own perspective.  For example, I LOVE January, since it’s the month of my birth!

Poor January also gets a bad rap in the world of college admissions as the “Black Hole” of months.

It’s the place where the application seems to disappear without a trace, while families sit in limbo and await the news.  Yes, to paraphrase the late, great Tom Petty, the waiting can certainly be the hardest part of the process, but do most students feel that way?

Generally, no. In talking with current seniors, they actually feel pretty “chill” about the whole thing.  Sure, there are schools they are waiting to hear from, but they say that "there isn’t anything they can do",  it “is what it is” in terms of when they will find out and there’s a ton of other stuff going on, so they don’t have time to think about it too much.    

This was quite a relief to hear! 

I also asked the seniors I worked with last year and they expressed similar thoughts.  Sure, having the philosophical perspective of time and distance helps, but they all said it "really wasn't that bad".  It helped to have applied to a range of colleges where they were able to "find out about some acceptances early and know they were going somewhere".  That helped ease the initial stress.  And, with each passing day, "it was more in the back of my head and not a pressing matter".  As they focused on the events of their senior year, they even "kinda forgot about it" and it was more "out of sight, out of mind". 

It turns out, our kids have it right.  In reading articles on the psychology of waiting, ruminating over something we have little or no control over just increases anxiety.  

And that makes sense. 

The less control we feel we have over an outcome, the more we may feel anxious or uncertain.  Like when we’re sick.  It is definitely NOT fun, but we know what we need to do to get well and we do it.  It’s often WAY worse to watch our loved ones feel awful.   And that seems to be consistent with waiting on application results. 

So, as parents and family members, what can we do to get through this?

One of the best ways to lessen anxiety and stress is to focus on the present and make the most of the time you have together, as this article suggests.   Or, in the wise words of one of my former students:

“...for anyone in the waiting period, I would say to have fun and celebrate”!   Cherish the time you have together and focus on the "what is"  The “what will be” will be here soon enough! 

Trust The Process

"Trust the process" is a phrase that is often heard in the coaching and counseling profession and one I resonated with immediately.   It is defined in a variety of ways but for me, it means that once I’ve put together a plan or strategy and done my best to execute it, that even in the event of unexpected results I know that there is learning in that moment that will help me to reach my desired outcome.

You might think that this concept would be most widely associated with the “woo woo” world of spiritual growth.  I thought that as well – until I “googled” it.  To my surprise, the majority of articles that came up were related to sports!  And I was most excited to see my beloved “Cubbies” and their fearless leader Joe Maddon reference it in their 2016 World Series victory.   Plus, there are tons of quotes from successful athletes that talk about how success is the intersection of “preparation and opportunity”.  That’s a tenet of “trust the process”. 

It totally makes sense that focusing on the overall process and not just winning and losing as the ultimate outcome for success is a great way to achieve a long term or even a short-term goal.  This is what helps athletes come back after a slump or teams adopt a multi-year approach to successful championships. 

Most victories in life are rarely a straightforward path – nor do things happen overnight.  It is a journey that involves twists and turns and unplanned obstacles and how we respond to them and what we learn is a key factor in reaching our goals. 

And there are no better examples than in the pathway to college, especially when it comes to college acceptances.

Once you’ve developed your plan, prepared for every aspect, and know and trust you’ve done your absolute best, and pressed “submit” on the application,  “trusting the process” helps you to know that what happens next is out of your control.  This can minimize the anxiety, stress and disappointment from being deferred, wait-listed or even denied and know that this is but a small part in the overall journey.   That this unforeseen “twist” could lead to choosing a college that turns out to be the perfect one you wouldn’t have researched more closely or even ultimately chosen if this hadn’t happened.

One only need read Frank Bruni's 2015 bestseller to hear many stories from students who thrived at their 2nd or 3rd choices.  I wish I had a dollar for every student I’ve met that has told me that the college they are currently attending wasn’t their first choice and they “can’t imagine going anywhere else”. 

As we begin a new year, I wonder what it would be like if we applied this foundation as part of how we approached all of our goals?  Identifying the outcomes we want to achieve and also trusting that the victories and defeats we experience are part of the overall process and provide us with the awareness and freedom to use what we learn from these experiences in any way we choose?

Like not getting the lead in the school play and turning that into a love of improv.  Or dropping an AP class that frees up time for an internship.  Or using that low SAT score to find a test-optional college that may not have otherwise been on your radar.

Or winning the World Series after 108 years!

Random Acts of College Selection

“Friends don’t let friends apply to random colleges that they have no intention of attending or have not done any research as to why they are applying there”

I wish I could figure out a way to shorten this because I totally want to have this printed on bumper stickers, t-shirts, made into a meme – whatever will spread this sentiment most quickly!

Why?

Because this has become my pet peeve in the college application process.

We all have pet peeves – things that just bug us.  From runners to waiters, every person, profession or activity has them. 

So I decided to make an initial list of my reasons why "random acts of college selection" really bugs me:

1. The “selective colleges don’t need any additional help to make them harder to get into and more expensive” – reason:

Applying to a bunch of random colleges only helps the COLLEGE, not the student.   Especially in the case of the most competitive, low acceptance rate colleges.  Colleges are all about their “yield rate”.  This is a huge factor in marketing the selectivity of the college. The higher the yield rate, the more the college can charge and the less merit aid they have to give to entice students to apply and enroll. Check out the yield rate for the colleges on this list of "Best Colleges for Merit Aid" and compare that to the list of "US News & World Report 2017 Best Colleges Ranking". 

2. The “you’re taking the place of someone who REALLY knows they want to go there” - reason:

This comes from conversations with my students who are frustrated when they hear peers at school say: "I'm applying to all of the Ivies just to see if I get in" or "I'm applying to all of the UC's and I'll research and decide which I like after I see where I get in". 

We know it doesn’t exactly work that way, but it's difficult as a student, to hear that and not think to yourself “what if they get my spot?”  A spot that they would be thrilled to get as opposed to their peer who knows nothing about the school or, worse, has no intention of going if they are accepted.  (Yes, this happens, happily not often, but it does happen).

3. The “coach-approach” - reason:

As a college coach, the essence of how I work with my students is supporting them to explore and discover what is important to them and why and to be able to use that foundation to compare and contrast colleges throughout the months leading up to and during the selection and application period.  Using the “random” approach to apply and then deciding where you want to go doesn’t give the student or the family enough time or opportunity to do this, nor are they able to learn about themselves throughout the process. 

And the colleges KNOW this! 

The most competitive and selective colleges include a creatively written question as part of their supplemental essays.  While it is written a variety of different ways, it is asking the same question:  "Why this college?".  And I LOVE that! 

These colleges know that knowing your “why” is the beginning to create a roadmap for success in college.  This helps the student be more proactive in their first year as they have a foundation for how they want to maximize their experience.

The  more you can answer “why”, the easier it is to list “what” the opportunities are you want to build and “how” you plan to achieve them. 

There are always those instances where a student gets to college and the experience isn’t exactly what they thought or hoped it would be and sometimes, that can’t be determined until you experience it.

But isn’t that even MORE of a reason to apply to colleges, especially the more selective colleges, based on exploring and discovering what is important to you and how well that college will help you to support you to achieve that?

Bringing Your Story to Life

Imagine you’re 17 years old.  You’re cruising along, navigating all that is involved in being a teenager these days (which is a LOT), and all of a sudden, you are asked to tell your story.  And not just in any way you choose – within specific parameters.  You have to list all of your activities and only have 150 characters (not words, CHARACTERS) to describe how you are unique and you have to write about yourself so that it fits into a specific prompt with stories that involve the kind of introspective analysis few of us do in our adult years, let alone as a teenager.

That’s hard enough, but now imagine having to do while you are also being told that your story needs to make you STAND OUT.  You have to "share what makes you unique, and do so in your authentic voice,  all that while you are comparing yourself to the rest of the world – watching as friends and friends of friends post their life on Instagram and Snapchat and wondering how you will ever measure up, that there is nothing special or unique about you.

Oh my gosh, I just read these two paragraphs and I want to go curl up with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. 

This isn’t part of a Halloween theme and I promise, my goal is not to scare you.  It is actually a “treat” for me to share an app that was created for teenagers to make this process easier, more fun and most important remind them that "YOU DO HAVE A STORY, YOU ARE AWESOME AND WE”RE GONNA HELP YOU EXPRESS THAT!"

Welcome to Zeemee.

Zeemee was created in 2015 as a way to help students have a positive, proactive way to showcase their social identity on a digital platform.  It was created to level the playing field and provide “all-access” for students to showcase their unique personality and they are constantly developing ways to do that.  For example, it was originally created as a web-based program and, as a result, only 8% of the students were using the video feature.  They figured out that socio-economically, WAY more students have smartphones than laptops so they switched to an app-based program this year and the video feature usage went up to 80%!  They are continually adding new features that make it easier for students to “tell their story”.

And colleges are responding!!  They launched with 6 colleges and now over 200 colleges ask for a Zeemee profile – as either optional or required! 

Additionally, colleges are utilizing Zeemee to tell their story, which allows students to follow them and get to know them.  This helps the student explore ways that the college is a good fit by seeing the different aspects of the college and all the ways they can maximize their experience there to continue to craft their story.

But what I love most about Zeemee, is that it truly helps a student begin to discover their story -  wonderful stories like a passion for creating balloon animals for kids birthday parties or being the oldest of 10 kids. As they build their platform, it helps them realize that they ARE special, they DO have a story, it DOES matter and how to share that. This builds the confidence to continue to develop their “brand” and use that in SO many ways above and beyond college applications.  It helps them realize that their “story” is an ongoing process that THEY get to create and helps them learn to “tell” that story in the many ways they are asked to do throughout their lives – whether it be in a college essay or an interview for a college, internship or job.

What's behind procrastination? I'll get back to you tomorrow

There are 2 quotes that I live by when it comes to application season:

“WARNING – deadlines in mirror are much closer than they appear” - Anonymous

“Deadlines aren’t real to me until I’m staring them in the face” – Rick Riordan

Each one describes the benefits of having deadlines:

a.   It makes the intangible, tangible

b.   It creates urgency

c.   It helps us recognize when we’re stuck

While this is vital in most any opportunity for planning and execution, it is extremely important during the college application process, for many reasons.  Having my students create their own timelines and organizational systems makes it more real and helps them to take responsibility for the process, a skill that will help them now and in their college career.

It is so fun to see the activity escalate once they have the clarity and accountability of what they need to do and by when. 

But what happens when the activity stops?  Is that procrastination?  Or are they stuck? And how to tell the difference?

On the outside, being stuck can look a lot like procrastination.  But while the actions may look the same, the reasons behind them can be very different. 

Believe me, there is much more to procrastination than meets the eye – especially during application season.  To paraphrase a line from my favorite movie, Princess Bride: 

Procrastination?  You keep using that word.  I do not think it represents what you think it represents.

Like we don’t know this already, there is a ton of stress and pressure associated with applying to college, even BEFORE you start the process. The uncertainty of what to expect, the choice of major (and implication of thinking about your future), and the biggest one – what if I don’t get in?

That’s where the quotes above take on a whole new meaning.

It’s understandable that having those thoughts get “closer in the mirror” and “stare you in the face” would cause feelings of uncertainty, overwhelm, confusion, doubt or worry, which can easily lead to actions of hesitancy at best and locking yourself in your room and playing video games at worst.

So, what to do?

The first step is to acknowledge the behavior.  I love this word, acknowledge, because there are no “assumptions” built in, just curiosity and noticing.  Open-ended questions are great for this because they invite more conversation.  Once you ask,  “did you study for the ACT”,  you get either a yes or no answer and there’s nowhere to go.  Asking “how’s the ACT test prep going” invites more input and could uncover where or how your child may be stuck.

The second step, is to ask a few follow up questions that can help them think about what will help them to get “unstuck” like:  “What do you need to take the next step?” or even “Where are you stuck?”.

Each time I’ve used these two questions with my students it’s resulted in a myriad of responses that have covered the entire spectrum, from helping them to learn the value of not taking on too many shifts at work to having an in-depth conversation about how the uncertainty of not knowing what’s next can also be an opportunity for a huge adventure.  

I'm also apt to point out to them that they couldn't have gotten stuck without beginning the process. It means they took the first steps, identified where they want to go and set a time and date to get there. 

That’s when my other favorite quote comes into play:

A goal is a dream with a deadline.  -Napoleon Hill

"Tell Me About Yourself"

Whether it’s a formal job interview or a casual networking event, this is a question that can strike fear into the hearts of even the most prepared respondent.  The answer provides a wealth of information for the interviewer, both from what is actually said to how the question is handled, which is probably one of the major reasons this simple question causes so much anxiety and stress. 

Most career websites and blogs suggest that the best way to prepare for this interview question is to focus on your key strengths and characteristics, give examples that showcase your experience in utilizing them and do so in a way that is specific and memorable. 

Which, coincidentally, is a wonderful way to prepare for the essay portion of the college application.

If you think about it, this is the question that most colleges are asking each applicant and the goal is exactly the same - to share your key strengths and qualities, gives examples that are both specific and memorable and do so in a way that differentiates yourself from the other applicants.

Despite what it feels like in reading the essay prompts, the colleges really do want to make it as easy as possible.  They work extremely hard to come up with specific wording to help the student figure out what they want to “tell about themselves” but sometimes focusing on the specifics can be just as difficult as answering an open-ended question.  Hey, if it were easy, there wouldn’t be the plethora of essay writing workshops, articles and blogs out there.

So where and how to begin? 

If the process for preparing for an interview and an essay are both stressful and anxiety producing, I say, let’s figure out a way to do both at one time and minimize having to experience the stress twice!

Below are three things that you can do to help you prepare for a job interview or internship AND provide you with essay ideas you can use for the wide variety of prompts:

1.    What are minimum of five values and strengths you are most proud of?

2.    What is one specific example or moment in your life that illustrates each one?

3.    What is the ONE thing that you want the interviewer (or college) to know and remember about you from each example?

Once you have done that, you will have a minimum of five different qualities that are special and unique about you and have an example that showcases each of them in a way that is specific and memorable! 

Yes, you will need to expand from there, depending on the particular question, but you’ve got a foundation that helps you to do that.  Each one of these can be utilized in a variety of different ways- from showcasing how you are positioned for a specific role in an organization to developing an answer to the various essay prompts and anything in between. 

Equipped with this super-power, not only will you no longer fear the question, you will eagerly embrace opportunities to hone your newly developed talent to tell people about YOU!

The "Business" of College Admissions

I recently attended a presentation on the changes in the college admission landscape over the last 50 years.  As you can imagine, much has changed from the 1970’s to 2017 but what really stood out for me is how college has truly become more like a "business". 

I have to admit, when I started as an educational consultant four years ago, I thought that it was my corporate cynicism that noticed many of the same yield management and data driven tactics we used in my former career being implemented by colleges but in fact, that is exactly what has happened.  Within the last few years, the “business of college” has grown to include the development of a variety of new companies all geared at helping colleges to figure out the best way to market to potential students in a more targeted, personal and engaging way.  Policy decisions are data and digital driven and provide information on everything from which application to use to how to maximize their yield management and revenue goals while providing an opportunity to admit a wide range of students that represent a diverse population.   

UGH! 

So what can we do about it?  Frankly, a LOT!  And colleges want to help you!! 

They want to remind you that if colleges are businesses then you are the potential customers, which means YOU have the advantage.  You don’t have to fall prey to the marketing myths that “if it's hard to get in, it must be good” or “if I don’t get in to ‘X’ college my life is over”.  They want to remind you that they know and have seen time and time again that what students get out of an education is based on their creating and taking advantage of all opportunities and that happens at colleges that aren’t on the Top 20 list of U.S. News and World Report.  They want you to visit or meet with a local representative so they can tell you what distinguishes them above and beyond being near the beach or having good food.  They encourage you to inquire about internships that work toward helping your child choose a career focus and providing more experiential learning opportunities.  

And most of all, they want you to know that they "get it".  They know that tuition has increased 139% in 30 years while family incomes only rose 16% during that same period and they know you’re looking at them like a business as well. That's why they are continuing to research and implement policy and programs that help them deliver a high impact student experience that justifies the ROI.  And, that’s why they want you to also know that while much has changed, there are many aspects of college that continue to remain the same:

• That college provides the opportunity to interact with people from different backgrounds, customs and ideologies
• That college teaches skills that are critical to our success in work and in life like critical thinking, creative problem solving and adaptability
• That college provides us with experiences, friendships and connections that are lifelong

And, to remember that we have the freedom to choose where we go and the path we choose to get there. 

The Art of Achieving Balance

One of the elements that is almost universal in the conversations that I have with my students is their desire to achieve balance – between activities and school, between homework and fun AND between enjoying summer vacation AND maximizing extracurricular activities for college.

So how do we achieve “balance”? And what does that even mean? And is that even possible these days with the current “admissions frenzy” that sees no sign of decreasing? (short answer:  YES!  And even MORE important because of that!)

To begin, I looked at the literal dictionary definition of balance: "An even distribution, a condition in which different elements are equal". 

The first image that came to mind was a scale - two sides perfectly balanced. But is that even realistic? How long can it stay that way?  Once we add something to one side, it automatically becomes “unbalanced”, right?.  The only way to try to maintain equal balance is to keep adding things to each side.  Sound familiar?

In fact, chasing the idea of balance as “equal or even distribution” is what leads to over-scheduling and stress - the very thing we are trying to alleviate.

What if, instead of the image of a scale, balance was more like a lava lamp – gradually ebbing and flowing in a less definite and structured way.

Hmmmm, interesting.. go on!  Okay, I will and I did, and that led me to find a different definition of balance called “psychological balance” – where balance is defined based on one’s values and beliefs over time.

OMG!!! YES!!!  NOW we’re talking!!  Adding in values makes it less absolute and “equal” and more fluid and flowing, like a lava lamp.  The concept of “balance” as it relates to values and beliefs helps us much more easily understand not just what we do but WHY we prioritize the way we do and even provides a way to make the "should do's" into "want to do's". 

For example, one of my students was having trouble getting motivated studying for the SAT.  He knew it was something he “had to do”, but it wasn’t enough to get him to actually DO it.  He set aside time, scheduled it in, balanced it with other activities, and still it wasn’t getting done.  Enter “psychological balance” – and the introduction of values. I asked him which of his values he could apply to make it more fun, more of a game.  He told me that he had been thinking about studying with one of his friends and said he would be much more excited to study with a buddy, which brought in his value of collaboration. He also decided to set up weekly goals and mini-contests which fulfilled his value of competition AND made it a lot more FUN!

Using the lava lamp idea (once I explained to them what a lava lamp was!) and incorporating the use of values helped many of my students realize that they had a choice in how they could achieve a balance between work and fun that wasn't as rigid and allowed for varying circumstances throughout the year.  Their original plan had been to set aside a set amount of time for homework and then do something fun. But there would be times during the semester that were extremely challenging and the homework time increasingly ran over, limiting the “fun” time.  That’s when we looked at how they could incorporate their values INTO the homework, making the entire process more fun.  Rather than “equal distribution”, it was more of an “ebb and flow” idea.   

The art of achieving balance is no different than most things related to college planning.  The more we release the pressure, and incorporate our values and beliefs, the greater the opportunity to achieve balance. 

"Gigging" in the New Economy

I’ve always loved the job title of:  writer/producer/director. Looking back, I know it was more about the idea of the multi-hyphenate description as opposed to the actual careers.  Being able to do three different things in one was exciting to me and something that stuck with me throughout my career in radio sales and management.  In reviewing the positions I held within each organization, they all provided the opportunity to do a variety of jobs under one title. 

That’s probably why I so relate to the gig economy. The term itself is rather new but the concept of “gigging” was coined in the 1920’s by jazz musicians as slang for a music “engagement” and was most commonly used in the music industry, until now. The term “gig economy” became prevalent after the economic crisis of 2009 as companies downsized and replaced full-time employees with part-time workers without benefits.  In the last eight years, the Bureau of Labor Statistics has come to define a “gig” as "a project or task for which a worker is hired to work on demand in a project setting." It is prevalent in a variety of industries and represents a far greater section of the American workforce than just being an Uber drive.  In fact, a study by Intuit predicts that 40% of the American workforce will be independent contractors by 2020. 

Pardon the pun, but the “gig” economy is “music to the ears” of many students I work with and statistics bear this out. According to the book “Generation Z at Work:  How the Next Generation is Transforming the Workplace” over 75% are interested in having multiple roles within one place of employment.  The “multi-hyphenate” mindset is already part of how they think!

I recently attended a webinar on the subject and with each slide of information presented, I got more and more excited about all of the opportunities this represents for high school students as they plan for college and their future:

1.  It opens up how they choose their major. 

Next to “what college are you interested in”,  the most stress-producing question is “what are you going to major in?”.  For those that know and can confidently answer “Mechanical Engineering” or“International Studies” that’s great!!  For those that don’t know or are interested in a lot of different things (like I was) , it’s an opportunity to “multi-hyphenate" as a way to explore their choice of major.  One of my favorite questions to ask students is: “If you could design the ideal major that had everything in it you can imagine, what would it be called?” I love the answers that I receive and it opens up all kinds of discussions about finding majors areas of interest AND provides them with the confidence and excitement to enter college with an idea of what they’re interested in and open to the possibilities they have yet to discover.  This is supported by a 2016 statistic from World Bank, as quoted in The Economist that “of the more than one billion young people entering the global labor market over the next decade, only 40% will be working in jobs that currently exist”.

2.  It is in alignment with their goals of finding work that is project-based and that they are passionate about.

In the values exercise I do with my students, almost every single one of them share that they want to be involved in a job or work that they enjoy, that makes them happy, as this article suggests. Additionally, a recent article in the New York Times talked about the importance of "followers" in the workplace and in society.  Working in a gig economy requires many of these "follower", or "self-leadership" skills, like teamwork, time management and adaptability are the same ones that companies are looking for in their employees, as this article suggests.

3. It provides the skills, mindset and confidence to know that they can find work after college.

Whether or not your son or daughter chooses to directly become part of an industry that has already embraced the gig economy or prefers to look for a specific job, one of the advantages of cultivating this mindset is the opportunity for them to find work right after college.   A recent article in the Harvard Business Review talks about how cultivating the “gig economy” mindset is a way to get work upon graduation.  This gets graduates into the workforce and can lead to a job within a specific company and build their career.

The exciting part about "gigging" in the new economy are the multi-hyphenate opportunities for our children to prepare for and create a successful and meaningful future that is in alignment with what is important to them. 

The Road Not Even Attempted

One of my favorite things to do on college tours is to ask students if the college they’re attending was their first choice. When that happens, I pause for a second and wait for the statement I hear almost 100% of the time:  “and I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else”.   Such was the case this week as I interviewed a lovely young woman whose first choice was UCLA School of Theatre, Film and Television and is happily thriving in her first year at the Newhouse School at Syracuse University.

If I was hiring for a company, and this was the only question I was allowed to ask, I would hire this young woman based solely on this one response, because I would know that she has the resilience to not only attempt challenging situations but to be able to recover from a difficult outcome and adapt her perspective to embrace the new opportunity.   

Over the last few years, resilience has become a corporate buzzword and is often described as one of the top qualities that companies should look for in hiring, as well as the quality responsible for creating a successful and happy work experience.  But resilience is much more than a corporate buzzword. Resilience is an important factor in how we handle any life situation, as well as the ones that we choose to tackle in the first place. It helps us to aim high and trust that what we learn from the process is just as valuable as the experience itself and provides information that will help us in future situations!

The first step in establishing resilience is the willingness to experience your emotions and being aware of how you’re feeling. Before we can “bounce back” from disappointment, sadness, or anger, we have to feel it first, a skill that is key in developing “Emotional Agility”, as described by Susan David in her book of the same name. 

David describes in this article, how experiencing emotions – not pushing them down, negating them or berating ourselves for having them - helps us to recognize that they are essential in providing feedback that strength the muscles of courage and adventure – which helps us to not only reach higher but dream BIGGER! 

The other part of resilience is adapting your perspective to embrace the new situation.  It is only when we are able to release the feelings around what was, that we are able to start to ask the questions that help change our perspective to be open to creating “what could be”

Which is exactly what this lovely young woman did.  You could hear her excitement as she talked about her experience at Syracuse– the sense of community, the beautiful snowy days, the neighborhood basement concerts and the bus on campus that took you into the city where there were amazing restaurants and open mike nights.

To borrow from Robert Frost’s famous quote, building that muscle of resilience is what helps us BEFORE we get to choosing “the road less traveled” so that we don’t miss or look back with regret on “the road we didn’t attempt at all”. 

Creating the college experience BEYOND the checklist!

There is nothing better than when I speak with my students after their first year of college and they tell me that they couldn’t imagine themselves anywhere else.  

There are very few “absolutes” in the way I work with them, but one of the things I insist on is that there are no “safety” schools on their list.  Now, that doesn’t mean they don’t have a varying range of colleges with different admission requirements and acceptance rates. What it means, is that each college listed is one that they could picture themselves going to and offers the criteria and experience that is important to them.

Most of the information that is presented on the tour, or in a college fair presentation, helps a student and their family learn more about how that the college matches up with the profile of what they are looking for:

Small class sizes – check!

Nice dorms, great places to eat – check!

Internships – check!

Statistics on graduating in 4 years– check!

Clubs, Greek Life – check!

Proximity to beach/mountains/hiking/skiing – check!

So why do some students come home from their first semester, or even their first year, feeling like they made a mistake or they’re not where they are supposed to be.

Part of it, is the sheer adjustment to college life and we’ll chat about that in a future post.

The other part, is that there is more to choosing a college than knowing it’s a good fit on paper, and that’s where the “coach-approach” comes in.  It helps go beyond the checklist in order to:

         Develop the experience that the student is looking for

         Provide a way for the student to be able to articulate that

         Continue to enhance and refine the criteria, based on new information

And a big part of this is setting up the expectation that this is an ongoing process.  Letting your child know that developing his college criteria will be executed over time also takes a lot of the pressure off of not having to “get it right the first time”.

Going beyond the initial checklist is similar to crafting an impactful essay.  It's not a “one and done” activity, but one that includes multiple drafts, where each effort is geared towards going deeper to provide more information that will result in an essay that truly represents the students’ unique voice. 

In working with my students, creating their college criteria is something that they start to do after their first meeting.  Each subsequent experience, whether it be a college tour or input from friends and family provides new information that is evaluated against the first "draft" and continues to be enhanced and refined until it is time to apply. 

So how can you go beyond the checklist with your child?  Here are 3 steps to help you get started:

1.  Establish the initial criteria - there are numerous websites, like this one, that will help to create a basic list of college criteria.  Don't worry if the list doesn't cover "everything".  Starting with a shorter list and building on that is actually much less overwhelming and invites more discussion and input.  

2.  Provide opportunities to evaluate the criteria - the key is to provide different ideas and ways to do this and let your child decide which they want to do.  Visiting college websites, taking a college tour, going to a college fair, talking to friends and relatives about their college experience are all great ways to get a stronger idea about what is important to them.

3.  Continue to enhance and refine, based on the input - ask them about their thoughts about what they heard.  Questions such as: "What about that sounded interesting"? or "How does that match with your initial criteria" encourages them to edit and enhance based on their initial list. 

Going beyond the checklist will help to make the college experience AND the journey getting there much more enjoyable - for your child AND for you!

Be a Pepper, Be YOU!

Did you know that Dr. Pepper was created in the 1880’s by Charles Alderton in Waco, Texas and to commemorate that fact, Baylor University has a long-standing tradition called "Dr. Pepper Hour" where each week, students, faculty and staff come together for a free Dr. Pepper float!!

I discovered this delightful tradition at a recent Regional Admissions Counselors Conference where fifty (50) colleges in attendance had the pressure-filled task of communicating in two minutes or less what made their university special and why students should consider them. 

Besides being an extremely interesting and informative event, it was a fantastic reminder about how the pressure of getting into the “best college” and the angst around getting “accepted” has skewed the focus away from the concept that the student actually gets to choose.   The brochures, the websites, the college fairs, the college tours are all designed with the purpose of communicating the college's unique “brand” so that the student is able to distinguish how well it matches up with the criteria that is important to them, and they can more easily imagine the type of experience they could create there.   

In Jeffrey Seligo's recent article in the Washington Post, he reminds us that "there are thousands of colleges in the U.S., and the vast majority of them accept far more applicants than they reject." Not to mention, these are the colleges that generally are more generous with financial aid. 

As I listened to Baylor’s presentation, I realized that THEY were the ones that felt the pressure of showcasing their personality and “brand” amongst the almost 200 colleges and universities in the state of Texas, many of them located in much bigger (and more desirable) cities than Waco. 

So how do we continue to shift the focus and pressure OFF of the students and back ONTO the colleges?

Two of the best ways to minimize stress in any situation is to feel that we have more opportunities and more time.  Whenever we feel that our options or our time is limited, it creates much more pressure. The more time we have and the earlier we start, the more options we can create, which leads to more choices, less pressure and ultimately less overwhelm and stress.   

But how do we create more time?  How early is "too early" to start. And doesn’t “college talk” in 8th grade create even MORE stress?

We create more time and less stress by starting early AND shifting the focus from the college to the student, by having them think about their personal brand – what makes them unique, why that is important to them and how they want to continue to develop that throughout high school. 

By definition, personal branding is the ongoing process of establishing an image or impression in the minds of others, with the key word being ONGOING! 

Starting to think about this in 8th grade versus 11th or 12th grade provides the time and the opportunity to lay the groundwork and make choices that will help them continue to build on that foundation. 

Asking questions like:

1.     What are five words you would use to describe yourself?

2.     Why did you choose those words? What about them matters to you?

3.     What are activities, friendships or classes that demonstrate that?

Helps your child to gain insight into their “brand” – their unique strengths and talents – and understand that they have the opportunity to choose how they want to change or enhance that through the choices they make in high school.  Most important, it takes the pressure off of feeling like the college is choosing them; that it is they who have the opportunity to choose the college and the pathway to get there, that maximizes their unique “brand”.   

In the words of Dr. Pepper: "Be You", continue to "build your brand" and you'll find there are many choices of colleges that provide a great fit!

Baylor probably knows that there are many people whose tastes don’t include Dr. Pepper, and that’s okay!  Because they DO know that the ones that ARE thrilled by the free Dr. Pepper floats are going to be a great fit for their university – and vice-versa!!

"Mastering" Our Opportunity To Perform

The Webster definition of mastery is“possession or display of a great skill or technique” and, as such, it can be applied to anything from playing a musical instrument to running a marathon, while the definition of performance is the “act or action of carrying out or accomplishing a task”.

What’s interesting is that the Webster definition of performance does not include judgment, yet we often evaluate our performance based on how well we did or didn’t do.   The difference between saying, “I completed the golf game” versus “I shot a 120 today – I performed poorly” is that when feedback is evaluated from a perspective of “good or bad” versus just information, it limits our opportunity to learn and grow from the experience.

The shift in focus from performance to mastery is not new and has been utilized in a variety of industries. It is the equivalent of a golfer concentrating on his swing or a swimmer working on his stroke.  It is the difference between making a small change in our eating habits and “mastering” that behavior versus judging our performance based solely on the numbers on the scale.  The concentration on mastery of a skill or technique and building on that provides the motivation and momentum to create performance that is long-term and sustainable.

This concept can be utilized in all aspects of college planning, from standardized test prep to time management. Focusing on a goal of “mastery” helps to lessen stress and overwhelm which increases our ability to learn, enhances our propensity to stay motivated, and ultimately impacts our overall performance long-term.

I had the opportunity to implement this with one of my students who was having difficulty with time management.  He was staying up anywhere from 11pm to 1:00am each evening and having a hard time staying awake in class, let alone getting up in the morning.  Each week, he set out a performance goal of “getting seven hours of sleep a night” and each night that he didn’t do that, he felt frustrated and discouraged.   I asked him whether he performed better at night or in the morning and he said that he actually was fresher in the morning.  I also asked him if he had any time during school to study and he said that he did have a break in 2nd period, but he was always so exhausted, he couldn’t maximize that opportunity. 

So we tried an experiment.  I asked him to focus on stopping whatever he was working on by 11:00pm He could go to sleep and wake up whenever he wanted, but he had to stop working at 11:00pm.  The focus was on mastering this technique of a “stop-time”, versus the pressure of achieving the performance goal of getting 7 hours of sleep.   He agreed to do that for a week and observe what happened. 

Within a week, he had absolutely “mastered” that goal.  Knowing that he had to stop at 11:00pm, he managed his time each evening so that he got done what he needed to and if he didn’t, the awesome part was that he had a good six and a half hours sleep each night, which gave him more energy during the day.  He experimented on the “mastery” of that skill and altered his “stop-time” from 11:00pm to 10:30pm to see what happened.  By the end of the month, he had achieved his performance goal and was sleeping seven hours a night.  The best part, is when he realized how this “mastery process”, as he called it, could be utilized in other areas of his life!

When a student is able to complete the “action of carrying out the task” whether it be time management, developing their college list, visiting colleges or writing their essay AND utilize the awareness and knowledge they gain from the “mastery” of the skills, techniques and tools they used in the process, this creates the confidence and resilience that will impact performance throughout their life!

Which is truly the definition of “mastering the opportunity”!

"What we see, depends on what we are looking for"

I was on a group call the other day and the facilitator asked us to turn away from our computers and for the next minute, notice all the items in the room that were black.

The fireplace screen, the picture frames, my shoes on the floor, I made a mental note of everything I could find in the family room in one minute.  When we turned back around she said to us, “okay, now tell me everything you saw in the room that was……BLUE".  The reactions from the participants were everything from laughter to dismay.  “What!  I only looked for items that were black, I didn’t look for the blue items – you didn’t tell me to do that”.

And, with that one-minute exercise, she beautifully demonstrated how our perspective influences what we notice, what we DON’T notice, and ultimately, has an effect on the choices we make.

Our perspective, our “lens”,  is influenced by our beliefs, our interpretations and our assumptions from our collective experiences.  For example, if we touch a hot stove and get burned, we know not to do that again.  But most experiences we have aren’t so clearly right or wrong or good or bad.  And these are the opportunities to learn and grow and open up our perspective to include a broader view.

I was recently talking with a student about including community college as one of his pathways and he wouldn’t even consider it.   His belief was that students who go to community college have no other option.  They were the students who don’t work hard or care about their future.   I shared with him how I’ve been privileged to work with so many bright and hard-working students who began their college career at a community college and who are now attending or have graduated from colleges like UC Davis, UC San Diego, UC Santa Barbara and USC, to name a few recent examples.  Their wide-angle lens saw community college as the ideal pathway to achieve their goals.

Upon hearing this new “interpretation” and combining that with viewing it through the perspective of his values, he was able to open his lens a little wider to include this new “pathway”, which lessened his overall stress and helped him perform better throughout high school and in completing his applications.

There are so many examples of how our beliefs, assumptions and interpretations can limit our choices when it comes to college planning – from relying solely on rankings by U.S. News and World Report to not choosing a certain class or activity based on past experience.

The opportunity is to not let one experience become the “lens” with which we view all other events.  Failing a class, not making a team, missing out on the lead in the school play – all of these are opportunities to use the experience as feedback for how you want to approach the situation differently next time.  One event, or a few people need not form our beliefs, interpretations and assumptions.  By expanding what we are looking for, and using a wide-angle lens, we are able to  see ALL of the items in the family room – not just the ones someone tells us to look for.